Nearly 60 percent of second or third marriages end up in divorce court. If you are single again, you can happily avoid that fate when you follow a savvy dating strategy that isn’t just for dating kicks.
Why is the risk of divorce so high for second or third marriages?
Newly divorced or widowed singles often dive into a new marriage before they’ve learned the love lessons from their prior relationship or discovered who they are becoming on their own.
If you don’t know the new you yet, you can’t possibly know what you want in a new relationship. Hot chemistry with a new partner can distract you from your grief and personal growth that stems from it.
Your desire to be married again may be an impulsive yearning to get right back into your comfort zone. This is one way to avoid a period of solitude, self discovery and personal growth that often occurs outside of your comfort zone.
Does this mean you should not date soon after a divorce or death of a mate?
You should not marry soon, but it’s wise to get out and meet single people. A golden rule of dating after divorce is to meet ten people for each year that you were married — before you commit to a new permanent relationship.
If you’ve been married 5 years, this means you go on 50 dates before you consider settling down again. Married 20 years, you need to meet 200 dates.
Luckily, this guideline removes the pressure of meeting The One right away, since your view of The One will grow and change as you do.
When you remove your concern over future prospects, each first date becomes a no-pressure opportunity to compare how you’re enjoying single life, single parenting, and making single friends who will support each other on your journey from lost love back into the Fire Of Love.
How do you speed up that journey?
You can quickly learn the love lessons from your past relationship so you don’t have to repeat them in your next relationship.
You can accept that you create your life with your thoughts and choices, and make smarter choices that support your well being.
You can clarify your core values like honesty or devotion to family and special qualities that you bring to a relationship and that are essential for a future partner to share.
You can trust your instincts when you meet a date, and honor your urge to move away or the attraction that mysteriously draws you closer to find out more about each other.
What happens if you meet The One too soon?
If you feel you can’t live without this person, that’s definitely a sign to put on the brakes in this relationship. True love matures in time, with shared life experiences, not in urgency.
You may feel an urge to marry quickly and form a new family unit for your young children. Before you make that choice, be aware that you may sacrifice some of your personal growth in order to grow your new family relationship.
What if you haven’t reached your dating quota when you finally recognize the core values, qualities and chemistry you seek in a partner and you feel a mutual interest in pursuing a relationship?
Proceed slowly on the path with heart, giving yourself and your partner enough sunshine and support to a create a healthy relationship with lasting love.
And if you’re single and seeking your great love, I invite you to enjoy a free, one-month membership in the Singles Club Of Tribe Of Blondes. Not a hair color, it’s a resilient optimism that unites us and fuels our passionate choices and personal triumphs.
Start meeting savvy singles in video chats, book discussions and travel vacations. Claim your free, 30-day trail membership when you click on SINGLES CLUB at the top of this page. Enjoy!
Dedicated to your dating and relationship happiness,
Hadley Finch
